Thursday, March 8, 2012

Would Purim Be A Holiday If It Took Place Today?

We all know the story of Purim; it's your typical Jewish story.  Someone doesn't like the Jews and wants to get rid of them; the Jews decide they aren't going to die (once again), and they fight back, defeating evil.  But what if Purim took place today? Would we still celebrate it?  Would it even be a blip on the radar?

I'm not trying to label Purim as a meaningless holiday.  In fact, just the opposite.  It's one of our oldest traditions and one of the funniest times you will have at Synagogue.  But, because of today's technology, and because people have started to communicate differently, I don't think it would have ever gotten as far as Esther fasting for three days in hopes that her husband King Ahasuerus would be kind to the Jews.  Let's see how it might have gone down.... 

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Instead of walking around town, demanding people bow to him, Haman would have posted a video on YouTube demanding that all, including the Jews, prostrate themselves.

Mordechai would have seen  this, and would have refused to bow down.   He would have taken a picture of Haman on his high horse with his Camera Phone and, via Instagram,  turned this shot  into a vintage picture  (vintage is all the rage today) so Mordechai could be the first to say he had  a picture of the most hated Government Official (Hipster Mordechai).  Once Haman got a wiff of this, he would have demanded that the King get rid of not only Mordechai, but all the Jews.

Then Mordechai, instead of  tearing his clothes and sitting in sackcloth and ashes,  would have sent his niece, Queen Esther, a  text message about Haman's plot and a photo of the evil decree.  This would have gotten her attention within seconds:  a lot  faster than hanging around the palace gates and waiting for one of her servants to find him. 

Once she learned of Haman's plan from Mordechai, she would have immediately gotten on Facebook and posted about it, "Can you believe what Mordechai just told me?  Kill the Jews?  Haman's got some nerve."

She would then post the  vintage picture of the evil decree on Reddit and it would gather enough 'Upvotes' to make it to the Front Page.  Once there, everyone would have seen it and started talking about it.

A new hashtag would start  trending on Twitter, "Can you believe #Haman? Follow @QueenEsther for updates!"  The word would spread like wild fire! Everyone would know that @QueenEsther was in trouble and needed support.

Queen Esther would send King Ahasuerus a BBM asking him to dinner that night. She  would set  the mood by playing some of their favorite songs on Spotify  (which would post what they were listening to on her Facebook page).

The King would arrive at  the banquet, letting everyone know where he was, using the Foursquare app on his Smart Phone.  Esther would show King Ahasuerus the YouTube video and the Instagram photo on her Tablet.  She would have all the evidence she would need.

The King would be outraged at the thought of Haman trying to kill his beautiful Esther along with her cousin Mordachai and all of the other Jews of Persia, and fire his grand vizier, Haman, who would be forced to turn to LinkedIn in order to try and find another job.  But everyone would see who he was  linked to (hitler, George Lincoln Rockwell, and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad) and decide they would never hire him.

If Purim had taken place with today's technology,  this would have all happened within a few hours, and there would really be no need to celebrate because we would have squashed the confilct before it ever got out of hand.  On the other hand, I wouldn't  be munching right now on my mom's delicious Hamantaschen, or be enjoying a little schnapps at the upcoming  Megillah reading.

Hag Sameah to all, and have a joyful Purim!

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